she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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