He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
