We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
