We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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