You really coming over, don't trick.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
