i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
