Please, let me fuck your mom
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
