Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
