hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
