well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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