She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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