my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
