First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
