Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
