just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
