I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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