One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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