If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
