You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
