Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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