I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
