Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
