So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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