is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
