I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
