she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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