im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
