pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
