I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
