I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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