I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
