In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
