He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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