I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
