Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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