We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
