Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
