Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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