So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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