great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You ruined the universe
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
