you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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