Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
