butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
