just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm too high and old for this...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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