Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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