I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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