remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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