i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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