you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
