anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
