he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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