Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How's work?
Spinning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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