he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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