idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
