i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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