Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
