Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
