dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
