i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
