he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
