Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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