i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
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Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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