What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
