these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
