Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
