I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
