oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
