Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
