we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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