oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
