did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i drank out of a bidet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
