next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
